Not Knowing What We Want

We all know that drug abuse has the effect of blunting the moral sense. And sometimes, it can also effect other choices we make, some of which may haunt us for a very long time. When the effects of the drugs have worn out, we may regret the decisions we made while we're high.

However, sometimes even when we're sober and really being ourselves, we may still not know what we really want.

Many people have the habit of praying to God, asking Him for what they want. And when they don't get what they want, they become disappointed. They're convinced that their prayers were unanswered—that all those prayers were just wasted efforts.

There's an interesting conversation between God and a man named Bruce in the movie Bruce Almighty. In that movie, Bruce blamed God for his failures, and then God gave him his powers and challenged him if he could do any better at the job.

Very soon, Bruce received so many prayers from people, asking for all sorts of things. Taking the easy way out, Bruce simply gave all that was asked of him. But instead of making everyone happy, it turned out that everyone became unhappy and created havoc all over the place. Then Bruce went to God to seek His advice.

"There're so many," he said of all the prayers, asking him for help, "I just gave 'em all that they wanted."

"Yeah," said God, "but since when does anyone have a clue of what they want?"

That's an interesting question from God. When I was younger, I wanted so much to be a civil engineer. When it became clear that I would never become one, I was very disappointed in myself. It felt like wanting so much to marry a woman I loved, but was forced to marry another. And even marrying that other woman was a big struggle in itself.

Sometimes I still wonder what would've happened had I really achieved my ambition to be a civil engineer. Maybe I won't be where I am today. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that I've ended up being a property valuer instead.

Perhaps I knew what I really wanted years ago, but maybe what I wanted wasn't the best for me. Now I still have a good 10 to 15 years left in my working life, and I'm still not very sure what I really want from these remaining years. Right now I just know at least one thing I don't want, which is marrying a 107-year-old woman.