Thursday, January 31, 2008

Sakit Pantat!

TWO days ago, I posted an article entitled Inflation Rate Kept at 2.4%. I quoted an announcement made by the Deputy Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak—that the Malaysian Government kept the nation's inflation rate as low as 2.4%. I raised my doubts over the accuracy of such announcement and quoted the increase in prices of several goods.

Then an anonymous visitor commented that I didn't understand the true meaning of the announcement by the DPM, i.e. that Malaysia's inflation rate is the lowest in the world. I readily admitted that I didn't understand the 2.4% inflation rate. But in the end, I think what happened was that the "inflation rate" that we lay people know simply means a direct comparison of prices of goods with that of the previous year. Obviously, there is a different meaning to the phrase "inflation rate" that's adopted by the economists.

And as the result of the above confusion with the phrase "inflation rate", I now have an excuse to tell yet another one of my grandfather stories of yesteryears when I was still schooling...

I went to school in SM Sultan Abdul Samad, PJ when I was in form 4 and 5. Oh it seems like a hundred years ago. It was during one of those rainy seasons when we were playing football during P.E. one day. I slipped and fell onto the wet field. I was covered in mud.

The next day, I was still aching all over; and when my friends asked me how I was doing, I said to them, "Pantat saya masih sakit".

Suddenly, there was a roar of laughters from all of them. And then one of them asked me, "Aik, awak pun ada pantat jugak ke?".

I didn't get the joke and answered quite truthfully, "Memanglah ada!"

And then another roar of laughters.

After they calmed down, I asked them what was so funny about me suffering in pain. They said that word "pantat" meant a female's sex organ.

So you see how such an innocent word can have different meanings to different people. I told my friends that "pantat" meant "buttocks" in Malay. But obviously, when Malaysia introduced Bahasa Malaysia years ago, it must have modified the meanings of some words.

But they disagreed vehemently. To them "pantat" can't possibly mean "buttocks", so I challenged them. They laughed and laughed at me. A quick check of the dictionary proved my point; and it sure silenced them after that.

When I was suddenly inspired to tell this story again today, I actually went to the bookstore to check the word out in the latest dictionaries on the shelves. Interestingly, that word is no longer found in some kamus. But the rest that still have that word do give the meaning of "punggung" (buttocks), but also "kemaluan" (which is the sex organ). Here is what I have found from the internet. So it is true that in Bahasa Melayu, "pantat" has several meanings including "buttocks" and the female's sex organ. However, in Bahasa Malaysia, apparently the meaning leans more towards the female's sex organ.

I want to share with my West Malaysian friends, that many of us Sabahans still speak Malay—as in Bahasa Melayu; and not Bahasa Malaysia. Therefore if any of you happens to visit us, please don't be surprised when you hear someone tells you that "pantat saya sakit". He is not being obscene or rude; rather he is just speaking Bahasa Melayu like how it was originally spoken.

West Malaysian doctors who're posted here in Sabah might be shocked if a woman patient said, "Doctor, saya takut kena jarum (suntik) di pantat!".

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Inflation Rate Kept at 2.4%

"A continuous effort by the Government to keep the inflation rate as low as 2.4%... Malaysia’s inflation rate is the lowest in the world and this mirrors the government’s efforts in keeping the prices of essential goods low"

—Deputy Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak

About a year or two ago, I used to spend about RM18 for the content of an average cooking gas (excluding the gas cylinder). About 3 weeks ago, I had to pay RM28 for a similar amount of cooking gas.

Within the same time frame, prices of other common household goods have also increased substantially. For example, a loaf of bread which used to cost RM1.80, now costs between RM2.30 and RM2.60.

In the construction industry, prices of cement, steel and many other materials have also increased. Prices of houses have also increased steadily over the recent years—at least in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah.

Not forgetting the prices of fuel (which is of course soon to be revised, probably almost immediately after the general election).

Even if one were to have a meal in the coffee shop, he will feel the increase in prices of food and drinks: Teh-C ping (my favourite drink) used to cost RM1.60, but now RM1.80. Nasi campur in general cost 50 sen more per plate.

Hell, in fact almost everything a typical household would spend on has increased in price over the last year.

And although I haven't been doing A-Level maths for over 20 years now, it seems to me that the inflation rate in Malaysia is a whole lot more than the 2.4% announced by the good Deputy Prime Minister. I am sure the brilliant economists who compiled the data for the Minister have valid justifications for that figure. We are truly a lucky nation—isn't it reassuring that Malaysia has the lowest inflation rate in the world?

Monday, January 28, 2008

Godsend Husband

About 3 weeks ago, I posted an article entitled Dilemma Between Filth & Kitchen Sink. In it I published an email I received from a reader of this blog upon her request. The author of that email, using the nickname On Ice, told the story of the affair she had had with a married man; and then invited comments and advice from me, as well as from other readers of this blog. Unfortunately, that was the last we heard of her.

Another frequent visitor of this blog, delurk, posted an interesting comment for that article. He raised his doubts on women buying the idea of sharing married men with their respective legal spouses; that those women are able to accept the fact that those men are not around "all the time", and not having them legally. He said he didn't think that men can accept that. I was hoping that On Ice would respond to delurk; or at least some other readers would get the ball rolling. But alas, as I said, that was the last we heard of On Ice; and nobody else took the cue to respond to delurk.

I found delurk's impression on men in general a bit surprising, to say the least. I happen to know at least one man who's having an affair with a married woman, and that affair has been going on for quite a while now. I don't know if the man can accept the fact that he's sharing that woman with her legal husband, but like I said, the affair has been going on for quite a while now.

On the whole, I think there is no difference between men and women. For whatever reasons, once the hearts are captivated, both genders are willing to accept the sharing business—or at least they're willing to live with that arrangement even if they can't fully accept it. Better something than nothing, you see.

Having said that, however, I have the impression that there are more single women having affairs with married men, instead of single men having affairs with married women; although I don't have any formal research to support this claim. I can only say that if I were still single today, I can't imagine having an affair with a married woman.

But what about women? Are they OK with sharing their husbands with other women? Even if they're not, they're probably more inclined to forgive their husbands—we know that Dr Chua's wife forgave him, at least that's the record for the media. In spite of Chua's wife, I still think most women in general can't accept the sharing business.

And so it is very hard for me to imagine 3 sisters marrying a man, and all living under the same roof. It's because they are convinced that he is the reincarnation of God Krishna. They are highly educated women, whereas the man is of standard six only.

What can I say, when those women think he's a godsend husband—no, they think he is god himself—they are willing to do anything for him! Some people are just so damn lucky.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

KK Challenge 3—Review

I haven't been posting articles in my blog as frequently as in the past. I have been quite hectic at the office; as well as arranging this and that prior to KK Challenge 3. There's more to tell about the hunt...

As mentioned, for the first time ever, I've included a challenge into my KK Challenge series. I selected 5 cartoon pictures and required hunters to name those characters. I suppose kids had a slight advantage in the task. Well, to be quite honest, I didn't know that I'd have kids in the field that day. I only came to know very, very late—in fact too late to make any changes to the challenge. Hunters in KK have more or less similar attitude as those in KL—they are generally last minute people, if you know what I mean. But anyway, when I was setting the hunt, I was not influenced; and I don't have to explain my decision to anybody.

Interestingly, for the first time ever, my KK Challenge saw the participation of an "official master" based on the Timeout Solutions' list. I first got to know Maria last year during the Sutera Habour-Angkatan Hebat Treasure Hunt. Back then, I wasn't aware that she's a master. She said that she had hunted before "in a galaxy far, far away". I thought she was gonna hunt with her red panties worn on the outside; with a huge red-coloured letter "S" on her chest. But we wouldn't want that kind of publicity. My KK Challenge hunts would have been banned because of that!

I was pleased to note that during the morning of the hunt, before the flag off, the hunters were all very cheerful. I didn't see any sleepy faces. I could actually feel the excitement in all of them. During the final briefing, I announced that I would be providing an original set of question papers, plus 2 extra copies to each team. And then suddenly there was a big round of applause from the crowd. I never expected to get that kind of reaction for the extra 2 copies of question papers.

After the flag-off, my wife and I went to the shop in Sunny Garden for a quick breakfast. To my horror, I met Gan Po Tiau's team, happily having breakfast there too! I couldn't detect any sense of urgency in them at all. They took their sweet time with breakfast; spending about half an hour having noodles and occasionally exchanging ideas on the questions of the hunt. Too bad I didn't have my camera with me. Otherwise that would have been a good scene to include in my blog. I might even frame up the picture! But nah... on second thought, I'm sure it would have been crazy to do that.

I am sure if they sell liquor in that shop, perhaps Gan would even have some. And I would have joined them too! Then again, that's not such a good idea, because I'd talk rubbish when I drink. So perhaps it was a blessing after all. Anyway, just in case the rest of the hunters saw us that morning, please be assured that we didn't plan to meet up in that restaurant. I was sort of bumped into Gan; and sort of tagged along for a bit.

I am glad to say that the hunt went smoothly throughout the day. Although the hunters were driving faster for the final homestretch (as usual), all arrived safely at the finish station. I was a bit worried if any of them would get involved in an accident. I have not secured any insurance for the participants, you see. It would have been a bit messy if they had an accident. Perhaps next time, I should seriously look into the insurance thing—after all, even maids are required to have insurance, right?

By the way, as a side issue, had there been an accident, we were not very far from the general hospital. So that is a bit of a comfort to know too. But of course that doesn't really mean much. In fact the doctors might do more damage to the patients, if you know what I mean. But no worries, if the doctors negligently cause any loss—for example, if they wrongly injected something into the arm, thus causing the loss of that arm, then it's possible to sue that hospital for the doctor's negligence.

It was such a hot day for a hunt. It must have been a torture walking around in such a weather. But the hunters braved the hot sun and presevered till the end. As I have reported earlier, most of the hunters eventually got into time trouble and arrived at the end station with barely seconds to spare.

There were a few surprises in this particular hunt. But perhaps the most outstanding one was the fact that some strong teams did not even bring me this treasure:

Yes, ring is found within,
A drink that is suitable for a teenager perhaps,
Bring me a can containing 300ml.

A treasure which was meant to balance off the trickier ones. Yet it turned out to be "difficult" all the same. The third, fourth and sixth teams didn't submit this treasure. I bet they saw the answer in their minds immediately after they clocked in at the finish station. It is strange that under time pressure even the seasoned hunters can crumble and all the game plans out of the window!

The strange ending was that the Gan's family (yes, they got the above treasure), in spite of "wasting" a good half an hour on breakfast that morning, ended up in seventh place, beating many other teams which were so diligent from the beginning to the end. Funny how events can turn out in a very unexpected way.

Monday, January 21, 2008

KK Challenge 3

Quite an amazing hunt—an unofficial hunt which attracted 20 teams. Oh I have a lot to tell! But first, here are the results:

(1) Alvin Wong, Bernard Liew, Christine Netto, Audrey Chin (89/100)
(2) Robyn Mahoney, Benjamin Liew, Charlene Liew, Daniel Liew (76/100)
(3) Johan Amilin, Siti Nurhanaa, Siti Nur Liyana, Johari Jan (73/100)
(4) Francis Omamalin, Eileen Yeoh, Lee Tze Jim, Moina Liew (73/100) — lost on treasure total
(5) CK Tan, CL Teo, Leslie Yew, Frederick Samson (72/100)
(6) Benedick Bisoni, Oliver Bryan, Mizal Khan, Max Bisoni (71/100)
(7) Anny Chin, David Wong, Gan Po Tiau, Molina Gan (68/100)

The format of the hunt was like this: 35 route questions @ 2 points; 5 challenge questions @ 2 points; 4 treasures @ 5 points. Maximum score of 100 points. In addition, I've also thrown in 3 tie-breaker questions which carried no points, but to be adopted as the first tie breaker in the event of tie scores amongst teams. All to be accomplished within 5 hours plus 30 minutes penalty time.

For the first time in the KK Challenge series, I've included a challenge. Hunters were required to name 5 cartoon characters, i.e. Mulan, Jasmine, Fiona, Melody and Belle. These are from 5 famous animation movies. I didn't think it was a very tough challenge, rather it was something to break the monotonous format of a pure hunt. Having said that, however, many teams fell for my trick anyway; they couldn't tell the difference between Ariel and Melody. So remember, folks, Ariel has red hair, whereas Melody, black!

As always, I've designed the hunt having considered the psychological aspect from the hunters' point of view. I set relatively "easy" questions up to Q16 or so. And then suddenly the following 5 questions or so were tough—I mean really tough! Well, at least tough for the Sabahan hunters. It was interesting to observe how the hunters reacted to the sudden change in the pace of the hunt. In the end most of the teams bottle-necked at Lintas Square, which was also the Challenge Station. As I had expected, most teams were unable to resist the temptation to linger on for too long—far too long—in their attempt to solve the clues within that sector. And of course eventually most of them got into time trouble and had to rush through the remaining questions of the hunt, which were equally tricky.

In spite of spending well over 90 minutes in Lintas Square, most teams failed miserably in answering the questions there. What's even more painful was the fact that because they were rushing through the remaining questions, they were unable to solve some easier clues due to insufficient time. These are not new hunters we are talking about here, mind! They are seasoned hunters and have been in the business for many years. This reminds me of what grandmaster Vincent Woo commented in the RR Blog some time ago: We just never learn!

Having said that, however, I must point out that the champions did not fall into my time trap. I envy them for their discipline in forcing themselves to make a move when it's time to do so. I must interview them one of these days to discuss about their amazing discipline!

And now some of those interesting questions and analysis:

TB1) Fifty fifty.


This was the first tie-breaker question located in Lintas Square. It's the notorious Double Jeopardy. The centre of the word EXCELLENCE are the 2 letters, "LL", which are the Roman numerals for "Fifty fifty". Only the winning team solved this question.

Q18) The old fashioned and good business.


THE written in the old fashioned way is YE; and GOOD is ELOK in Malay. A moderately tricky question in my opinion. However, surprisingly no team managed to crack this clue! Now I know it looks very, very solvable from the comforts of your home. But trust me, folks, when you are out there under the hot sun, with precious time ticking away, it is not that easy.

Q20) A pride of our city?


A well answered question, but I was amused that some strong hunters missed this. It is easy to forget that "A pride" can also refer to a group of lions.

TB3) Tempat pertama seperti dicantumkan.


pertama is an initial indicator. Therefore, Tempat pertama refers to "T" at the beginning of the word "Tempat". seperti is ibarat, a word that is rarely used in daily conversations. It is more commonly used in classical Malay and poems etc. The word is within the same family as bagaikan, umpama etc. No one managed to crack this tie-breaker clue. But later on, the winning team told me that they didn't even bother to work on it, since they're running short on time. A sound strategy, since dropping this question can allow them to work on the remaining questions. Bear in mind that tie-breaker questions carried no points in this particular hunt.

Q30) Located on the west of the east for a milk producer?


Again no one managed to crack this clue. We are looking for something found on the signboard which, if located on the left (west) of the word EAST, would give us something that would agree with MILK PRODUCER. The question mark at the end of the sentence signals some sort of word play.

The BR, if located on the left (west) of EAST, would yield BREAST, indirectly a MILK PRODUCER.

And these are some of the many faces of the hunt...

Final briefing

Happy faces before the hunt

Painful faces during the hunt

Baffled by the Centre of Excellence

Maria Rowan & kids—happy to name cartoon characters

No, the jaw didn't drop any further than that

The KK Challenge 3 has seen mixed fortunes of the hunters in KK. Some regular hunters, apparently suffering from "a bad day", fell out of contention. On the other hand, some new hunters took over their positions. A new breed of hunt maniacs are beginning to show their true colours. I see all these with great excitement. Truly, this was the sort of development that I had hoped for since the first time I organized the KK Challenge hunts.

While setting the questions for this hunt, I was itching to throw in some more of my masterpieces. But I had to suppress my itch. I have learned my lesson. The idea is to attract new teams into the game. And indeed the KK Challenge series have achieved this. During the first KK Challenge, I only attracted 14 teams. Then 16 teams in KK Challenge 2. And yesterday, I've managed to attract 20 teams. Hopefully the trend will continue in future hunts of the KK Challenge series.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Amazing "Thon"

A labourer was on the 4th floor of a high-rise building which was still under construction. He needed a saw, but wanted to save the journey walking all the way down to the ground floor. So he decided to ask his colleague to send it up to him instead.

The construction site was right in the middle of the city, and because of the loud noises from the traffic, drilling and knocking from the construction, and passing airplanes over the sky above, his friend on the ground floor couldn't hear what he was saying. So he decided to use the sign language to communicate with his friend.

He pointed to his eye—meaning "I". Then he pointed to his knee—meaning "need". And finally he acted out with his hand the action of using a saw; thus completing the sentence: I need a saw.

Upon seeing this, his friend on the ground floor dropped his pants and started masturbating!

The guy on the 4th floor was furious. He ran down to the ground floor and barked at his friend, "What do you think you are doing, you moron! I said, I need a saw!"

"I know what you meant," said his friend, "I was just signalling back to you that I am coming soon".

But jokes aside, how many of us would dare to masturbate openly like that? Unless we are insane, I'm sure none of us would. That's why this thing about masturbating as a means of fund-raising is quite amazing to me. We've had so many kinds of "thons" here in Malaysia—telethon, marathon, joggathon, climbathon etc. But it will probably take generations from now—if ever—before we get to see a masturbate-a-thon on our shores.

Message For The 20 Teams

Over the last couple of days, I have noticed a sudden increase in the pageloads of this blog. It seems that some of you have been visiting, and re-visiting, my December Virtual Hunt post. I can only guess that I will be seeing most of you this Sunday.

I hate to break it to you guys, but to those 20 teams competing in the KK Challenge 3 this Sunday, let me tell you that I'm not going to recycle any of those questions from my blog!

Well, I've been occupied with the preparations for this Sunday. We are set to rock 'n roll. Umm... to the hunt virgins, perhaps it's a good idea to bring along some panadols with you.

A special message to the hunter who said that she has hunted in a "galaxy far, far away" in the past: I hope when I see you this Sunday, you won't wear your panties on the outside. I haven't allocated special prizes for "outstanding costumes".

Good luck to you all!

Thursday, January 17, 2008


It is a fine day for hunting. He sets out into the jungle with his home-made shotgun—known locally as the bakakuk. It is of course an illegal weapon. But hey! almost everyone has one! It's around this time of the day that the wild boar would normally roam the jungle for food. And true enough, he stumbles upon a wild boar. He aims; he shoots—bang! And the animal drops to the ground...

Imagine his horror when he finds out that it was his brother-in-law that he's shot—not a wild boar. And if that's not bad enough, of all the parts in the body, he shot his in-law's crotch. Ouch!

If you were a hunter, would you aim at the pig's genital? OK, forget about the genital; would you mistake a man and a wild boar? The poor ugly man (I say he's ugly because he looks like a pig) ended up in the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. That's an approximate 3 hours' ride from Kota Marudu. I hope they didn't leave any parts of his genital in the jungle. If—and that's a big IF—the doctors are able to salvage his genital (or what's left of it), it's probably unlikely that he'll ever be able to use it other than for urinating.

The next time our Rotary Club does a charity project in Kota Marudu, I'm not going anywhere near the jungle!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Suppressing The Itch

We have all experienced it before, haven't we? We are in a crowded place and then suddenly there's that itch in the embarrassing part of our bodies. What do we do then? Perhaps if there's a public toilet closeby, we could go there to relieve the damn itch. But some of us are not so discreet. We relieve the itch like nobody's business, right there for the whole world to see!

The next time I go around town, I will try to remember not to behave as I please. I'd be conscious that whatever I do might end up getting recorded on a CCTV, and then if not used against me, it would at least be a source of amusement by the police personnels who're supposed to use the system for the prevention of crime. Who knows, a few years down the road, if I ended up becoming somebody important, I might be blackmailed with a video clip showing me in the crime of scratching my balls in public. Thank goodness, I rarely ever get that kind of itch!

But really, do these CCTV systems actually work? The CCTV recording in Nurin's case was sent all the way to the FBI in the States. Apparently it went through the so-called enhancement process; then sent back to us. And at the end of all those complicated procedures, we were unable to tell even the car registration numbers.

The other possible use of the CCTV is that, in the event of a crime in progress, and the police is monitoring the system around the clock, then the police would be able to react on the spot to stop that crime. Are we to believe that the police will religiously watch over so many cameras all over town like a hawk? And then when and if they spot any crime in progress, will be in time to react?

Yeah, right!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Needle in a Haystack

Why would someone abduct young children, torture them, and then ultimately kill them? Is it a random act? Is there a pattern to the crime?

These are probably some of the questions on our minds while we keep our fingers crossed and pray for the safety of the young children that have gone missing in as many days. The police had also mounted a large-scale search operation. So many people are apparently trying desperately to help in any way they can. [The Star]

One has to wonder why are parents allowing their young children out to play without supervision, in spite of reported abduction just a few days before. Some of us never learn, do we? Things like this can only happen to others—not to me. The sense of danger never kick in until it's too late.

Is the police force doing enough? Maybe—just maybe—if they focused all of their resources on trying to find these kids, they might just be successful in the end. The only questions are when; are these kids to be found dead or alive; in one piece or in a sports bag, with some more pieces stuffed into them? I think if the police would only focus on the task like they did in tracing the culprits of the Chua Soi Lek's DVD, then they might have a shot at nabbing the sicko(s). If only...

With such a huge population, it's like searching for a needle in a haystack. But I am sure our police force is up to the task. They are efficient; and they work very quickly too. They performed very impressively in tracing the CSL DVD culprits. I am confident that they will shortly lay their hands on the sicko(s). I am sure they are giving top priority to this particular case—much the same way they gave top priority to the Nurin Jazlin's case. I am only worried that we don't have any CCTV footings to help them out this time...

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Dilemma Between Filth & Kitchen Sink

When I started this blog, I had no specific plan to focus on a particular subject. I had intended it to be about everything. However, it didn't come across my mind that I'd actually make this blog about couselling my visitors.

I have never claimed that I am a qualified counsellor; neither have I read books or undertaken any formal training to become one. In spite of this, I am making an exception for this special case. As a result of my post entitled Variety of Menu, I have received an email entitled "Perhaps your blog readers can help". In it, an anonymous person using the nickname On Ice told her story. She said I am not obligated to publish her mail. After pondering on her mail for a day or two, in the end I have decided to publish it.

I will reply her mail for whatever it's worth. Then it's up the readers of this blog to comment if they want to. I have also warned On Ice that some of the comments may not be very pleasant, but I suppose she must have seen that coming anyway.

OK, here's the mail from On Ice (without any editing):

"I'm a single woman in love with a married man with children. Go ahead, condemn and judge me for all I care. You cannot possibly beat the hurtful words and treatments I had to endure these past years from family and society.

Here's my story. I will begin where it ended.

This morning at 8am, I said good-bye to the man I have been having an affair with for the past 6 years. The reasons have nothing to do with us. We are still madly in love with each other. In fact we were at the very junction where we have always wanted. He was about to become available, marriageable once again. And there lies the problem.

Exhausted from all that shouting and crying, my parent finally sat me down last night with a filthy rich doctor at one this morning, They had found out about the status of my man and that freaks them out like nothing before. It's a cardinal rule of my parents that no children of theirs will ever break up someone's else family. They thought after all those hours of knocking some sense into me, it would be safe to ask me where my heart lies. I answered in front of the doctor I heart is with my man.

In a few days, I will have no choice but to marry the filthy rich doctor.

As far as affair goes, ours is typical and then some. Everything you can expect from affairs, the excitement, the thrills, the drama, the crying. Everything but the kitchen sink. Well, come to think of it, it did include the kitchen sink one hot steamy afternoon last November. As cliché and as nauseating it is to you out there I must say it has been the best years of my life.

Affairs by nature are short term and we knew it, so we kid ourselves for years that we will end it on that proverbial one day. After the next holiday together, after our birthdays, after mid summer, after Merdeka, after his wife's first suspicion and everything else in between. The latest and the most classic of them all that can only come from a man, "after Pak Lah gets ousted in the next general election" We were enjoying each other company sipping latte mixed with fume from passing cars in one of those fancy sidewalk bistro when he said that. I lean forward showing more of my already expose bosom and said what about after his (my man) next erection. With his eyes fixated to my pair he said "Darling, that would mean we would be history in a few minutes from now"

Ah! man such a simple creature. But I digress.

Before you go pounding on your keyboard with your medicine for my sorry state of being, here are few other things you need to know.

First, my family.

We are at the brink of a financial meltdown. I'm my family only source of hope. My current financial means would not keep my family afloat beyond Chinese New Year.

The never been married before doctor.

He is not a stranger pluck from the air. I met him 2 years ago for brief moment and at was that. He left for overseas. I have no romantic feeling toward him except for pity. He's old and fragile and rejected from family. I had considered him before because that would release my family from the financial worries. I know in a short few years from today, I would have a patient rather that a husband.

Me. I'm your outdated, follow what your parent say kind of girl. To give you some context, I am 41 years old and my mother confiscate my heels (and g-string) because it not good (or decent) for me. I have to hide them from her. I'm not your urban strong minded kind of woman that would follow my heart. My role as I have been taught since young is duty to parents.

And lastly, perhaps the biggest thing is that I love my man very much. He loves me. He care for me abundantly.

If you, so incline to provide me some words of encouragement or observation, please remember this is no Hollywood blockbuster. Be realistic.

On Ice"

Dear On Ice,

What a dilemma you are in—a married man who's madly in love with you, but is still working on getting himself marriageable again after 6 years; a filthy rich doctor who would still marry you even though he knows your heart belongs to someone else; your parents who are living your life for you; and you living in denial for such a long time. I'd say those are good ingredients for a Hollywood blockbuster.

I am not in a position to judge or condemn you, although I can't promise that the rest of my reply will not be hurtful. I have an open mind, but I am also direct with my opinions. I hope you will take it with an open mind too.

I have no formal training in psychiatry, but I know a bit about human psychology. Perhaps deep down in your heart you know that your lover will never ever have the guts to extricate himself from his marriage. He will always come very close to it, but that's as far as it's gonna get. If he hasn't been able to achieve it for the last 6 years, I can tell you that it's highly unlikely that he'll ever achieve it. I can only guess that whenever you two were at the brink of a break-up, he would move another step closer to become marriageable again. But after you ended up on the kitchen sink, he wouldn't pursue to become marriageable. The idea is only to dangle the carrot but not to actually let the rabbit eat it!

I think you are not a stupid woman—I'm convinced that you saw the kind of deal you're getting from this man long ago. But the passion was worth it. You enjoyed the thrills too; hence those were the best years of your life. You said it yourself—that "you kid yourselves for years".

Then there's the filthy rich doctor. Now that is another mystery. If indeed he is "filthy" rich, why would he want to choose a woman who he knows does not love him? There must be some other women who'd love him for his money, and would therefore gladly marry him? If I were him, I wouldn't force a woman to marry me if I knew she doesn't love me.

Your parents may be over-protective beings, but perhaps they are better able to see that you are making a blunder. Can you blame them? I can agree with their hard work to detach you from your lover, but I wouldn't go as far as forcing you to marry a man you don't love. In a couple of years' time, they will be gone forever, and then you will have the rest of your life sharing your pillow with a man you don't love. In that sense, I think it's selfish of your parents!

Listen, On Ice, I can understand the thrills of the kitchen sink. I haven't experienced it myself. Maybe I will get inspired with your story and get to try it some day. I doubt that my kitchen sink can withstand the weight of 75kg + 58kg, so I guess I should take steps to strengthen the sink first. If things had worked out between you and your lover, you won't get that kitchen sink deal from him forever—the thrills will no longer be there, you see. Then one day when you wake up into a shitty face without makeup in the morning; the kids creating troubles; bills to be paid etc, then you will need more than the kitchen sink to go forward.

So if my opinion is worth anything at all, let me advise you to forget about your lover (you know you two will somehow get together again one way or another—the temporary goodbye adds to the excitement!). And then be brave to stand up to your parents. Don't marry the man of their choice unless he is also your choice. You have disobeyed them for 6 years anyway.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Business Gimmick

Have you ever wondered if there is any difference to the retailers between:

(A) 50% discount; and

(B) Buy 1 free 1

If a pair of jeans originally sells for RM100, then in both cases above, the customer will end up buying the jeans at RM50 each. In (A) the RM100 is discounted by 50%, i.e. halved and therefore ends up at a cost of RM50. In (B) the customer pays RM100, but he gets 2 pairs of jeans, i.e. at RM50 each.

Therefore, in terms of unit price, there is no difference to the retailer. However, option (B) is preferable because the retailer gets to sell more jeans per customer. There is also some psychological element in the phrasing of the sentence. That word "free" has a great impact on a lot of people. Something which is "free" is more attractive than something which is not.

This is what we call business gimmick. A customer who has the intention to buy only one pair of jeans at RM50 is attracted to that word "free", and then ends up spending RM100—double the amount he had intended to spend in the first place. But of course some customers have the intention to buy 2 pairs of jeans anyway, in which case it's a win-win situation.

There are other types of business gimmicks. I remember being asked to draw a number from a box by a lady promoter in a supermarket some time ago. Out of curiosity, I drew a number. Then the promoter told me that I had won a great deal! I was entitled to win several electrical items at 50% discount. BUT! I had to buy some expensive useless stuff from the promoter first. So I told her to go fly kites.

These people are always out to catch the unwary customers. These deals quite frequently appear very good, but they almost always end up requiring a larger amount of money from the customers.

Now it seems that even schools are not spared from some sort of gimmickry. The Government, having considered the escalating living cost, has decided to waive school fees this year. Of course a lot of parents were happy with such announcement. But little did they know that they would end up paying more than before. Maybe we might as well opt to bring back the school fees, huh?

Friday, January 4, 2008

Variety of Menu

Many years ago, I had a friend who's a womanizer. He frequently told stories of his adventures with different women. He'd experienced all sorts of adventures—at the back seat of his car with a parking attendant; in the bushes in a public park; even in the office where he's supposed to do overtime! I asked him why so many women? He gave me two reasons: firstly, for the sake of variety; and secondly, for the thrill of doing it and getting away with it!

I hope if ever my wife grows tired of me and wants to try her luck with another man, she'd tell me outright. I wouldn't know how to react if I found out that she's doing it behind my back. The thought of sharing a woman with another man is quite unbearable!

With all the excitement subsequent to Dr Chua's new year surprise, one can't help thinking about cheating spouses. Is there a way to know if your spouse is cheating on you? While I was contemplating posting an article on this very question, a friend sent me a link on this very subject. I find it interesting and would like to share it with you people. It's quite a long article, but perhaps it will come in useful for some of us—if only as a checklist, to be sure.

But of all the so-called "symptoms" of a cheating spouse, one stood out as very strange to me. Under "Special interest in appearance and personal grooming", it says "They start trimming their pubic hair".

Of course I was at the verge of dying because of uncontrollable laughter, but really, I can't understand the significance of trimming the pubic hair when having an affair. At least I don't think that that would be high on my list of priorities if I am having an affair. I know women are difficult to understand, but trimming pubic hair for an affair? I can't see the connection—apart from the rhyme!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Money Talk 2 — Analysis

A couple of weeks ago, I post Money Talk 2. Unfortunately, very few people answered the question, so much so that I have totally forgotten all about it—until shortly ago when one of the only 3 persons who submitted an answer reminded me about the post.

Well, in this particular test, I haven't been able to prove my point for two reasons. Firstly, as I said, only 3 persons submitted an answer—one male and two females. Secondly, all the answers were the same; they were all correct.

The point of the question was to prove the human inclination to think mechanically. Since the problem was about a simple substraction, if the solver was not careful, he would have simply calculated RM3.00 - RM1.65 = RM1.35. But in the practical sense, this would be a wrong answer!

The correct answer would be RM0.35. The reason was because the person purchasing the biscuits would pay with RM2.00 only (although he had RM3.00 in his pocket). Therefore the change he'd expect from the shop keeper was RM0.35. In terms of trick, I guess the one about the trucks was better, huh?

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

To Err is Human...

"I will never let people down, I will not let it affect or hinder me from performing my duties as a minister, MP or party leader."

—Health Minister, Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek

If I am going to watch some pornographic videos, I think I'll make sure that I choose those featuring young, beautiful and sexy couples. I doubt that I will ever waste my time on watching a 60-year old man having sex. But of course I suppose some people will watch it anyway out of curiosity.

People sometimes forget that ministers are also humans; and humans make mistakes. But it is strange that most of us impose a higher "standard" from people like the Health Minister—that he is not supposed to blunder the way he did with a young woman not even half of his age. The majority of us expect a more respectable behaviour from this guy.

I must find out the name of the hotel wherein the CCTV was installed for the recording of the minister's adventures, so that I will know which hotel to avoid when and if I ever visit Johor. Not that I have plans to be as adventurous as the minister any time soon. Who knows, when I am 60, I might just be tempted to do so?

It was very brave of the Health Minister to admit publicly that he was the main star of the DVD. But I wonder if that bravery was merely a damage-control measure—that it's better to come clean about the DVD, because the truth was going to surface in the end anyway. There might just be a chance that if he admits the matter now, he might be able to salvage whatever trust his supporters still have for him. And I wonder if he would have readily come forward with such admission had there been no CCTV installed in the hotel room.

But to err is human; to forgive is divine...

Will his supporters forgive him? Bill Clinton's supporters did; so perhaps the good doctor will also be forgiven by his supporters.

One hour session, and several sexual positions. Sounds like the guy can still perform extremely well in bed at the age of 60—it makes me blush! I'm in my early forties, and I'm unable to achieve a one-hour session! I obviously have a lot to learn from the good doctor.

I think the minister was very brave to say that "I will never let people down...", because actually I'm sure a lot of people, especially his wife, must be feeling that they've been let down by this guy right now. But if it were me, I will forgive the minister. As I said, he is only human after all. It is not easy to fight the temptation of a twenty-something woman.

So what's next? Do we get a video clip on something more dramatic by another BN minister? Always a lot of fun before the general election, huh?