My partner and I were having a yam cha during a tea break this morning. We have such breaks every now and then to have our little talks — ranging from office matters, business or simply exchange of views on things in general.
Well, we ended up talking about Singaporean women. We agreed that they are increasingly more educated than their male counterparts. And we also noticed that they either delay getting married, or even opt not to get married at all.
I said perhaps it has a lot to do with the fact that they simply have no time to find life partners. I'd imagine that life in Singapore must be very competitive — work, work and work!
My partner had an interesting theory. He said the mentality of Asians is that when the women get married, they would marry "up" — sometimes they would marry "even", but very rarely, they would marry "down".
If there is any truth in such theory at all, I thought it is a cause for concern. After all, we are Singapore's neighbour, and we might have the same mindset. The reason that it is a concern is because it is a known fact that more Malaysian girls are getting into the universities when compared to the boys. Which means that in the long run (but not very long), the girls are going to be more educated than the boys. So are we going to end up with a situation where the girls would rather not marry because they run out of men of equal "standard" with them?
So girls, if you have a university degree or diploma; or say you are an executive in your workplace, would you consider a lowly-educated man who's working as, say, a clerk? If you drive a BMW, would you consider a man who can only afford a motorbike? Or would you expect your man to be at least of equal "standard" with you? Would you be prepared to marry "even" and "down"?
Well, we ended up talking about Singaporean women. We agreed that they are increasingly more educated than their male counterparts. And we also noticed that they either delay getting married, or even opt not to get married at all.
I said perhaps it has a lot to do with the fact that they simply have no time to find life partners. I'd imagine that life in Singapore must be very competitive — work, work and work!
My partner had an interesting theory. He said the mentality of Asians is that when the women get married, they would marry "up" — sometimes they would marry "even", but very rarely, they would marry "down".
If there is any truth in such theory at all, I thought it is a cause for concern. After all, we are Singapore's neighbour, and we might have the same mindset. The reason that it is a concern is because it is a known fact that more Malaysian girls are getting into the universities when compared to the boys. Which means that in the long run (but not very long), the girls are going to be more educated than the boys. So are we going to end up with a situation where the girls would rather not marry because they run out of men of equal "standard" with them?
So girls, if you have a university degree or diploma; or say you are an executive in your workplace, would you consider a lowly-educated man who's working as, say, a clerk? If you drive a BMW, would you consider a man who can only afford a motorbike? Or would you expect your man to be at least of equal "standard" with you? Would you be prepared to marry "even" and "down"?
7 comments:
julie Tan posted this comment, apparently mistakenly, in the other thread entitled "Born to be wild". So I am cutting and pasting it here where it really belongs.
julie Tan, said:
"Hi CKoh,
Actually this is interesting, while I was on business trip for 1 month in SG a few years back. My male counterparts in SG told me, it's hard to get a gf in SG. This is because, the guys have to do national service for about 2 years then only complete their university education. This leaves them a little bit behind to their female counterpart in age and education wise.
Another thing he told me, SG girls are materialistic, if the guy does not have a car, cash, they don't even want to look at them.
One thing i noticed, the girls over there are quite conscious on their looks - dressing and lots of make up. I noticed a few of the female colleagues in SG need to have mirrors at their cubicle to admire at their looks :))"
Now this is my response to Julie's comment!
Firstly, Julie dear, are you implying that Malaysian girls (generally) don't care about "standards"? — that they'd readily marry "down"? Would a Malaysian lady CEO marry an office clerk, say? And are you saying that Malaysian girls are not concious about their looks? If that's what you are saying, then I must say I don't know my own country-women!
Secondly, I will be brave! I will admit that if my daughter ends up with a manual labourer some day, I will try my best to advise her to find another man who's better off! It's not so much about "standard" or "class". It is parental instinct. We all want the best for our children. I would hate to see my daughter living a hard life in the name of love. BUT!, if that is really what she wants, then I will let her. It is HER life!
After all, I was a rubbish collector for a while before I worked as a clerk. When Mia's dad first got to know me, you should've seen how hard he tried to tell Mia to forget about me. It was either me or the son of a rich mechanic. From a rubbish collector, how on earth would I know that I'd end up where I am today?
Euphemia was totally out of her mind; she chose me in the end. And we've been on a honeymoon over the last 15 years. But that's a different story. I must write something about this crazy woman one of these days!
Hi CKoh,
Uh... don't get me wrong :) I am not implying Malaysian girls don't care about standards. I am just saying it is slightly different in their outlook (hehehe... actually when I was there, I kind of felt a bit out of place, I seldom have makeup and just dress simple - typical kampung girl). Anyway, different girls have different mindset and thinking when it comes to looking for a life partner. My statement earlier was more in general. This was the feedback I got from my male Singaporean colleagues. They were sort of lamenting how difficult was them to get a Singaporean girl. For me, sometimes ppl ask me why did I marry CH? What was the thing that attracted me to him? He is not rich, not handsome, had to earn every cent because of his poor background. I guess it was because we could communicate with each other, and he's a very patient person. Something we learnt during our pre-marital course.
Actually, I did have difficulty deciding my life partner. My father especially would say this is not good that is not good (Same scenario like Mia's father). They only wanted the best for their daughter. Sometimes it did make me confused, then what is good for me?But there is something I learnt out of this, we ourselves have the final say on what decision we make. And we determine the destiny of our own lives.
Really happy to hear you have a happy 15 years of honeymoon together. Congratulations :)
Ah! that is my cue to tell another story (do I ever run out of stories to tell?).
Talking about having problems choosing a life partner. Well, ordinarily I'd reveal the names of the characters in my stories, but I'd depart from the norm in this case to protect the identity of the person (s). He's within my own family circle, you see.
Well, this guy had no problem making up his mind. He just suddenly announced one day that he wanted to get married with this girl. So I said fine — so what's the problem? He said he didn't have the money to throw a party.
Some people are like that, they do things without proper planning — y'know something like the way Britney married that poor guy and then divorced him after 55 hours?
Anyway, I advised him to postpone his intention to marry the girl. Why not save up the money first? I said once he's married, it'll be tough if he hasn't got a steady job etc. But he was adamant. Anyway, in the end, I had to lend him the money. Family, y'know.
I can still remember his words. He said, after he's married, he'll delay having kids — until he can really afford it. But about a month after the marriage, he announced the his wife was already expecting!
So I asked him what happened to his plan of delaying kids? He said it all happened so suddenly. He said, "It's like going to sleep; and then when he woke up, without realising it, he's gonna be a daddy!".
I was so pissed with this character, but, y'know, family. Maybe he had a short memory. His becoming a daddy had a lot to do with what he did before he went to sleep.
Anyway, the first few years of his marriage was so tough. He changed jobs so many times. I had to forked out the money to support his kid's early education. It took such a long time for him to get on his feet. In the end, by a stroke of miracle, he's able to stick to one job.
The next time he screwed up again, when he comes back looking for me, I swear I will kick his ass!
Oh well, I came online with the intention to post something new; but spent the time writing a reply to your post instead, Julie.
Now it's a bit late for that new post. So I guess I'll just have to do it tomorrow.
Might as well, because I have a feeling people are beginning to find it hard to cope with my blabbering... hehehe.
Good night, folks, I'll post something about Elizabeth Taylor tomorrow. Sleep tight now!
Hi CKoh,
First of all, I comment not as a "Singaporean" or a "Malaysian" girl. Don't think nationality makes much of a difference in terms of looking for a life partner. Materialistic girls are everywhere, not just in Singapore or Malaysia, so there's no point in generalising. Given a choice, if you have 2 guys with exactly the same credentials in terms of personality/wit/intelligence/looks etc and the ONLY difference is that one is richer than the other, it's pretty obvious which one you would choose (and you'd be lying if you said you would choose otherwise!). :) It's not being materialistic; I think it's human nature. Human nature to always want more. And it does not only apply to choosing a partner. It applies with almost every aspect of our lives.
For the Singaporeans, it is true what Julie said about the guys being set back by at least 2.5 years due to their national service stint. It does put them at a great disadvantage with their female peers as they will always be that 2.5 steps in terms of career advancement and salary. The solution? Find a younger partner lor! :P
Singaporeans, in general, do dress up a bit more, and pay attention to their looks. I think shopping here is really much cheaper compared to in Malaysia. So they probably shop a lot more. :P As to wearing lots of makeup, not all do. I think Malaysians are catching up on that aspect though.
Hi Sum,
That is a very down-to-earth comment; it is a brave and honest comment!
A lot of women would say love is everything — money doesn't really matter.
Mom married dad at the age of 17 (dad was 19). It wasn't unusual to marry this early all those years ago. But soon she started nagging almost on a daily basis. She knew very well that dad wasn't a rich man when she married him; yet she complained that her friends were doing much better with rich husbands.
During courting everything is excellent. But years later when you have to wake up in the morning staring into a shitty face; the kids are sick and crying again; the bills are piling up; the children's school fees are already 3 months in arrears. That's when the love would become increasingly doubtful.
So I salute you for your realistic comment. Indeed it's human nature to want more IF we can get it. The only trouble is how much time we're prepared to spend looking.
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