I have just fetched JJ home from her grandma's. Her mommy is in KL this whole week; so I am playing daddy and mommy for the time being. I hardly ever let Yosevina touch JJ — I didn't think it's a good idea, if you know what I mean. On the way home from her grandma's, JJ suddenly started lecturing me.
"Dad," she said, "since you never go to church, why don't you say a prayer tonight for mommy and I?"
I was taken aback. I said, "But why, Jay — why do I have to pray; and who should I pray to?"
She explained that I need to pray to Jesus; that I need to remind Jesus that we still love him. And then Jesus will love us back. She said when mamau comes to disturb us tonight, Jesus will protect us and throw mamau back to hell.
Perhaps it is time that I have that little talk with my mother-in-law. I've been meaning to have that talk with her for a while now, but never seemed to find the time to do so.
Come to think of it, it must have been at least 10 years ago since the last time I went to church — I mean to pray. As a kid I was taught about how God and Jesus love us so much. I grew up believing. But somewhere along the way, I began to ask questions, and I was horrified to find a lot of holes in the teachings of the Bible.
The God of the Bible tells us all to be good; and that He loves us all. Yet He lost His cool and drowned everyone in the world, except for Noah and his immediate family members. Maybe it's fair to kill all those bad people, but what about the babies and unborn infants who also died in the great flood?
I am also not impressed with God when He deliberately put the apple tree in Eden. Being God the almighty, He must have foreseen that Adam and Eve would fail the test. Yet He proceeded to test their loyalty and obedience anyway. When indeed Adam and Eve failed the test, they were banished from Eden and then God condemned mankind to sin for eternity. I don't see the logic in that. Maybe God has His reasons for His acts, but we are not supposed to question His authority. He knows best!
After so many years in the wilderness, I decided to attend a course organised by the church a few months ago. It's known as the Alpha Course. Participants got to see about an hour's worth of video per session. And then we had small discussion groups. Absolutely no one could answer my questions. I got the same thing all the time: I must have faith first. I must believe first, then find out the answers later.
I think I've heard it all when I was a small boy. I suppose I will never be a good Catholic.
5 comments:
Why do you say you will not be a good Catholic? Mum alwiz told me, if you have done nothing wrong there is nothing to be afraid of.
I have seen many ppl go to church and pray and still do bad things outside. What does this reflect?
To me, it doesn't mean that going to church and pray makes you a good person or Catholic. We can pray anywhere.
I agree with you Julie. I've been brought up a Buddhist by my parents, but I go to church with my friends, I've been to the Hindu temples, and of course the Chinese temples. Now I'm quite a free-thinker, respecting all religions, and never too pious.
As you've said, we can pray anywhere. And I pray in my heart especially for the people I love.
My dear julie, the teaching of the Bible is that we must give ourselves to God — unconditionally; that He is the only way to His kingdom.
God says that He loves us all. But I can't help thinking that His love is conditional; that we must love him back. If you choose not to love God, then you are not welcomed into the kingdom of heaven.
It has been said that God lets you have free will — since you don't love Him, then He lets you go to hell. It's your choice.
I thought that is for the priest to give themselves unconditionally to God. Maybe I got my facts wrong :P
Anyway, by loving others, you are loving God as well. Cause God is within each of us. I think I remembered that mentioned by the Sunday school teacher.
I alwiz remember this hymm. "Love it was that made us, And it was love that save us, Love was God's plan when he made man, God's divine nature is love".
I love my daughter whole-heartedly and unconditionally. I want the best for her in life. If she ends up becoming a prostitute someday, I would hate her for it. I will try my best to persuade her to change for the better.
And then one day when she comes home haggard, poor and no place to shelter, I will readily take her into my home — until she's able to "sort things out". I will still love her even if she declares that she doesn't love me.
But God demands our love in return for His. He will welcome us into heaven only if we love him back. And He has shown us how He could lose his temper and went on a killing spree. He killed those who He claimed to love. Yet He told us not to kill.
It is not enough to insist on others to be devine. The preacher must practise it himself.
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