Monday, August 2, 2010

Deadly Massage?

“I will massage him when he starts to talk about younger women. This will dissuade him from thinking about them”


The famous 108-year-old woman, Wook Kundor—not kendur, mind you!—explaining to the press [The Star] how she's been keeping her husband, who's some 70 years younger than her, faithful!

No, I have no idea if her husband is blind or not—but there is no mention about his eyesight in the news article.

The massage usually takes up to an hour. Quite a bloody long massage—that! It was the same massage that she used to keep all her previous 22 husbands remain true to her until their death. Twenty-two freakin' husbands before this! I bet even Elizabeth Taylor would be impressed!

Now I'm thinking if too much massage can actually kill; I wonder if her previous twenty-two husbands died in the blaze of excitement during the blissful massage! If that is so, then at least some people died happy?

Please excuse my rampant use of the exclamation marks. I just can't control it...


8 comments:

Sarah Elizabeth said...

OMG, what if she is a serial killer?!?! LOL 22 husbands?! ALL dead now? Were they all old, or is she suspicious?

Cornelius said...

Yeah, 22 husbands before this. Which means a total of 23 husbands including the present one - and still counting! hehe.

I have no idea if the former husbands are all dead now; and I don't remember reading about their age (range). Hell, perhaps she's having trouble remembering them herself too! She probably needs to keep a special diary or log book to remind herself?

Amazing massage... fantastic therapist! (Not the rapist).

Anonymous said...

Cornelius, how do you interpret this? "Wook also revealed that one of the golden rules in the traditional massage was to first effleurage (stroking movement in massage) the masseur before doing the same on the partner." Does she siok sendiri first or what?

Cornelius said...

Anonymous,

I spent some minutes analysing that sentence, not only because of that word "effleurage" (which made me consult my dictionary), and quite a mouthful to pronounce, but also trying to fathom if there's a hidden meaning to it!

In the end I have no choice but to come to the conclusion that there is just insufficient information to arrive at anything concrete. It was not mentioned what she used to massage; so, thinking out of the box, she may use other than her hands to massage? After all, she did say that she focuses on the "sensitive parts of the body"?

There is also no mention of whether she blindfolds her husband before the ritual, but I think that is possible too. Don't quote me on this, though, for I have no material proof of it!

Yes, I can believe that she "siok sendiri" too, though of course women, being what they are, usually would like to give the impression that they're doing it mainly for the men, and less for themselves. But just imagine, a sensual woman at the age of 108! Woohoo, I still can't imagine it!

Anonymous said...

Cornelius, you have self confessed to put emphasis on grammar. Masseur = man, masseuse = woman. So would that mean that Wook would first stroke a masseur, another man and likely candidate No. 24 first and then the masseur who do the same on her partner, the No. 23.

Actually at a glance, I read effleurage as enrage! It takes a 108 year old to teach me a new word too.

Cornelius said...

Anonymous,

Please allow me to put the record straight. I am obsessed in grammatical accuracy in hunt questions, because inaccuracies can affect the choices of answers. I try to be grammatically accurate in my general essays, but I'm afraid my English is not quite up to it. Therefore, English purists may find several grammatical errors in my posts. I can only try my best.

You are quite right in pointing out masseur vs masseuse (male vs female). But in this case, I think I can accept masseur. I see that sentence as giving the description of a process in the general sense, and not necessarily referring to Wook Kundor specifically.

For example:

According to the famous cardiologist, Dr Evelyn, a cardiologist might sometimes find that he is overwhelmed by too many patients requiring immmediate heart operation.

In the sentence, the first "cardiologist" refers to Dr Evelyn, in this case a woman. The second "cardiologist" refers to any cardiologist in general, including male and female cardiologists. It is quite a common practice, when describing something in the general sense, to adopt the masculine gender. But that is not to say that the description is only limited to that gender.

Well, at least that's how I see it.

Amanda Christie said...

Ampun mak datuk! Tolong la Uncle..Best friend PLAYBOY kali tu..Hahahahahaha..Palis2 (sambil ketuk meja)

Cornelius said...

Girl,

Uncle tdk pasti, tp mungkin Playboy pernah b'guru dgn Wook Kundor? Kalau digandingkan, dorang macam pelanduk dua serupa! Cuma bezanya Playboy tu pelaburannya semakin lumayan! Sakit jantungpun tiada masalah... pelaburan tetap ada kemajuan! Cuma satu saja, pelaburan dia tu org lain yg tanggung!

Oh ya, Girl, meja tdk buat salah, jgn diketuk-ketuk! Mungkin blh dikira sebagai dosa juga tu!

Lagi satu, bulan puasa ni, cubalah tunaikan amalan berpuasa! Jgn asyik tapau hari2! Jgn lupa niat tau! Kalau tdk niat, puasa tdk blh kira!