Sunday, October 23, 2011

Tragedy & Blessings In Disguise—Part 2

Mom has been working on a jigsaw puzzle of a beautiful family picture over the last 35 years. She has seen the complete picture in her dreams way too many times over the years. Yet because of a single missing piece of the puzzle that she had lost a long time ago, she was unable to complete the picture. No other piece could fit in that hole in the middle of the puzzle.

Fate would have it that that missing piece which would fit the hole perfectly had gone through too many rough rides throughout the years, rendering it suffering chips and distortions around its edges. When mom finally found that missing piece after a very long search, it was heart-breaking to discover that it no longer could fit perfectly into its original space.

Flora, though blood and flesh of the Koh family, is in reality a total stranger to us; we knew next to nothing about her. However, when my sisters established contact with her a couple of months ago, all of us were excited by the prospect of seeing mom completing her jigsaw puzzle. And it's about time too!

It didn't take me very long to get to know Flora. Well, at least for the things that mattered. She put up in my house during her one-week visit together with her children; and I had glimpses of her attitudes and characteristics.

Flora was—and still is—for the most part, a very frustrated and angry little girl. Yes, I see her as just a "little girl" (even though she is 38) whose driving passion in life is hatred against almost everybody around her. She is essentially a mentally-disturbed child whose universe revolves around herself; and only around herself. For her miserable failures in life, she blames everybody—her foster parents, her in-laws, even her husband, and ultimately, mom. The only person she forgets to blame is herself. She is a child who has long ago lost track of reality and can never proceed beyond the first chapter in the book of life.

Throughout her life, she has never forgiven mom. And she's been waiting patiently for the opportunity to strike back with her might. That opportunity presented itself when my sisters played into her hands by initiating the move to establish contact.

Flora played her part all too well—she's the victim of circumstances. She grew up in a home of wicked foster parents. And now that she has found us, she's looking forward to find love and support from us.

But alas, the kind of "love and support" that Flora has in mind is the kind seen in Anakku Sazali. It's unconditional love of the purest form that she's seeking. She expects us to support her husband even though he's a drug trafficker; she expects us to support her affair with a man 10-years younger than her, while her husband rots in jail. But we will not have any of it.

And so in the end Flora showed her true colours. Over the phone one day, she vented her anger bottled up from all these years. She blames mom for her failures. In fact she told mom she doesn't want to ever see her again.

And at this juncture, knowing that many of my nephews and nieces are reading this, let me give you all a special advice, kids; it's the same kind of advice I gave your uncle Dennis a while ago:

When all you've got in your life are your two balls, try not to make more enemies. It is always a better idea to have more friends than enemies.

I'm thinking maybe Flora could use the same advice too.

Mom has led a simple life. In a way, I suppose one might say that she's had a rotten luck, really. Of all the men out there, she fell in love with and then married the Playboy. That marriage didn't work out though; and I'm happy that it didn't. In fact, I see it as a blessing in disguise for obvious reason!

As cruel as this may sound, in spite of all that mom had gone through in life, I think God has been kind to her; He made mom give Flora away all those years ago. For she did not deserve to suffer the heartaches of seeing an evil child around her. She's been spared the torture for 35 years. Yes, I do see it as a blessing in disguise.


5 comments:

Lisa said...

so sad. but my long lost aunt looks so...innocent.

Cornelius said...

'Sha,

You are still young and you have a lot more to learn in life. Looks can be deceiving. Flora deceived practically everyone, including your mom! But she did not fool me for a minute.

It's heart-breaking to see my mom cry; and I shall not sit still watching others hurting my mother, even if that person is my biological sister.

Cornelius said...

By the way, 'Sha, there is a lot more that had transpired in the recent days. I know all this is hard to believe. And you don't have to believe uncle Kong. Ask your mom instead. She will tell you more.

Anonymous said...

What dictates the personality and character of a person? By birth? By up-bringing?

I guess for Corny is by birth. If you are born evil, you will grow up to become a devil, despite living in a church as you grow.

I think even if you are a baby angel and when you are raised in hell, you could eventually become Lucifer.

While I am not trying to change Corny's perspective (I know I can't), try to spare a thought for the baby angel who is possibly raised in hell.

Cornelius said...

Anonymous friend,

Thanks for your comment and question.

While I'm detecting a bit of sarcasm in the tone of your comment, I'll try my best to respond anyway.

The truth is that you are right; you can't change my perspective; and I'm guessing I can't change yours too.

I have read quite a number of articles in connection with your question; and so far I haven't seen any conclusive answer up to now. But my personal belief is that personality and character are influenced by both nature and nurture.

I myself grew up in hell. And for a very long time, I grew up with hatred in my heart. So I'm not really totally ignorant of what it is like being in hell. But while I grew up with hatred and could not forgive those who hurt me for many, many years, I did not develop in me the drive for revenge.

Flora was not the only adopted child in her foster family. There were two other adopted siblings. But only Flora became what she is today. So I am forced to the conclusion that although external influences may affect the personality and characteristics of a child, but that child must have been born with at least some of those traits too. Therefore, different individuals growing up in the same environment, may all grow up into very different people.

But to be fair, I'm also adopting the same view for the opposite. Even if a child grows up in Paradise, he does not necessarily grow up to be a saint.

In the end, I'm not blaming Flora for what she's been through, even though I won't go as far as describing her as a "baby angel". I have been through hell too, so I do spare some thoughts for her earlier years. But I don't blame the world for my bad luck and failures. It's the pre-meditated intention of hurting others that troubles me immensely.