Before JJ was born, I had a phobia of parenthood. I have always been a "born-worryer". I worried that I wouldn't be good enough as a daddy; I worried that I'd lose my job and had nothing to provide for my child. In fact, I worried about so many other things. When I look back at myself during those years before JJ came along, I see a silly man worrying about petty things which had a remote chance of happening, but missing the greater joy of parenthood.
Then JJ came along. I can still remember the day she was born. I was there to witness the occasion. On grounds of decency, I opted to wait outside the delivery room, but Mia wanted me to stay and hold her hand. And so I saw it all—and, no, I didn't faint!
The earlier days were perhaps the most trying, because when JJ cried at night we had to guess what's going on. Was she in pain? Was she experiencing some sort of discomfort? It was very frustrating that she couldn't communicate we us other than merely crying. And being first-timer parents, Mia and I went through a fair amount of scary moments.
Eventually JJ started to talk, and I almost fainted one day when she uttered the word "daddy". Of the thousands of words in the English language, "daddy" was the first one that came from her. From then on, whenever she learned new things, Mia and I would be amazed and overjoyed without fail. And that is still the case up to now.
Soon JJ started going to the nursery school. Sometimes she'd come home with stuffs made of cardboard, glue and crayons. We've had Happy Mother's Day and Happy Father's Day cards with crude handwritings on them. But we made sure that we show our appreciations. Saying "thank you" or "daddy/mommy loves you" is so easy and won't cost a thing. Yet the impact on the kid is significant. I should know, because when I was a young boy, I craved for recognition from my daddy, but never got any. I will always make it a point to give the recognition that JJ deserves.
I cast my mind back to my childhood days; I had a different treatment from my daddy. He was such a difficult man to please, and he saw to it that no recognition would be given to his children no matter what. Whenever we did good in school or in anything at all, we did not get even a "well done" or "good job" from him. There must be something wrong with whatever we did—we could never be good enough. He did not see that we wanted so much for him to be proud of us kids.
And that hasn't changed very much up to now. When his children buy him a cake on his birthday, it's OK if he does not say "thank you" for it. We have all passed the stage of craving for his recognition. But he'd find fault with the cake instead. It's not tasty; it's not the type he likes. All the negative words and hardly ever a simple "thank you".
So to all you parents out there, please be generous with your praises for your children. When they do good, it's OK to acknowledge that they have done well, and that you're proud of them. Trust me, such acknowledgement means a lot to your children. Just knowing that their parents are proud of them can really make their day. Don't make them crave for the recognition that is never forthcoming.
3 comments:
I agree very much to what you've said here. My dad gaves me a lot of recognition when I'm young and that's one of the reasons why I always have good achivements. In this sense, I love my dad. I want him to be proud of me.
Moon mui-mui,
It's strange that there is still a fair number of people who don't realise that they're making this kind of mistake.
I decided to post this article because a close friend of mine told me the story of his dad who's difficult to please. He did a nice thing by bringing his dad for a holiday to China - a special trip, just father and son; not even his wife and kids. Yet his dad complained all the way. Everything was just not right for the fussy dad. Whatever his son did, the dad was not happy.
I keep reminding myself not to repeat that mistake. When JJ had to go for her immunization jab at Dr Tan, I told her that it would hurt a bit. But it would make her stronger. We visited Dr Tan together. We convinced her to trust us. Mia hugged her while Dr Tan jabbed her on her buttock. She fought hard to refrain from crying. And when it's over we told her that we're proud of her bravery. Praises which did not cost a thing, but meant a lot to the kid.
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