Thursday, January 21, 2016

A Fictional Advice Column

An example of how a typical university student these days would answer his exam question:

Dear Cornelius,

I am 44 years old and have an uncontrollable extreme urge for rough sex. Unfortunately, my wife is not agreeable to such sexual habit. She has been complaining to me regularly about it, but I ignored her complaints. Then last night while I was sleeping, my wife used a razor blade to cut off my penis. I woke up in horror and in extreme pain.

I have since been rushed to the hospital and had undergone a surgery to reattach my penis. Now I am recovering. But I don't know if my penis will ever be able to function as it used to before the incident. My wife has been detained by the police. I am lost and don't know what to do. Could you please advise?


Dear Dick,

Razor blades are very sharp objects, and obviously are potential weapons that can cause serious injuries. Gillette razors, in particular, are exceptionally sharp. But there are several other brands in the market these days. I have found that the China-made razors that are commonly available in RM2.00 shops are not as good because they won't give you a satisfactory shave. If Gillette razors are too expensive for you, I would suggest that you buy a mid-range type that can shave well, although it probably won't last as long. I would strongly advise you to ensure that you keep your razor blades in a locked cabinet, away from kids and your wife. Good luck on choosing a perfect razor blade for yourself.


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