Harmless Lie

A friend of mine received a call from the Inland Revenue Board recently, informing her that she's owing the Board about RM16,000 of tax. They gave her instructions to call So-and-So in a police station and said that their conversation would be recorded. That conversation went back and forth for almost two hours, and to make the long story short, her friends who overheard the conversation eventually told her that those were scammers trying to cheat her money. It was a lucky escape, and she came to me to tell the story, but added that she's not going to tell her husband about it, because she's afraid that her husband would scold her for being careless.

I've also known of another woman who had a bit of trouble controlling herself from spending money. Knowing that her husband did not approve her spending habit, she would lie to her husband whenever she bought expensive stuff, such as an expensive handbag or dress. She would tell her husband something like those were presents from a close friend who bought the items at a clearance sale at rock bottom prices. 

"A woman who doesn't lie is a woman without imagination and without sympathy."

Dr Giles Reilly, in Agatha Christie's book, Murder in Mesopotamia.

Although I'm quoting the words of a fictional character above, there is a lot of truth in what he said; that the majority of women are natural liars. However, let me hasten to say that the vast majority of those liars did it without ill intentions. They see a lie as a harmless thing. The most common excuse is that they want to avoid quarrels or arguments. They reckon that if their husbands don't know the truth of the matter, there is nothing to argue about. In a way, that is a valid point.

I used to have a girlfriend who went steady with me for about 3 years, and she, too, had the habit of lying to me. While it's true that most of her lies were harmless, I did not like it at all, because on several occasions I found out about some of her lies. I consider myself a loyal and honest person, and I'm fully aware that sometimes the truth hurts. But I would not lie in the hope of preventing the pain. I'd like to be unconditionally truthful to my girl, but I'd expect the same truthfulness from her in return. 

Maybe if I did not know at all that she has lied to me, that's not too bad. But when in due course I found out from somebody else that he saw her holding hands with another man in a place that is different from where she told me she'd be, it'd make me wonder how many times has she lied to me before? I can't imagine spending my life with a woman, wondering if she's lying whenever she tells me something. Even if there are explanations for the lies, as far as I'm concerned, lies are lies, no matter how you look at it, they are harmful anyway. When a woman tells me something, I want to have the confidence to say that I believe what she said. I did not have the confidence with my girl then. She was a good girl in many other aspects, but she could never change the lying habit. So what do you think I should do?

There are many single women out there whom are liars through no fault of theirs. It's just something in their DNA. But if you could keep an open mind for just a bit, let this old man give you a piece of advice. If you expect your man to be truthful to you, then you must be truthful to him too. Would you believe it, men appreciate honesty and truthfulness as much as you do.