Grand Reception

My nephew is in his twenties and has been going steady with a girl for a couple of years now. The time has come for him to take that next big leap. He shared a link on his facebook page about a couple that had a wedding at a cost of under RM2,000, and then invited comments from his friends. Well, this uncle couldn't help from commenting. Unfortunately, I'm not known to have the finesse whenever I comment. In fact, I'm frequently accused of being rude and brutal. Sadly, the truth may be painful sometimes.

Planning for a wedding is no small feat for most people. Apart from the "necessity" for a grand wedding reception at a posh hotel or huge banquet hall like the Hakka Association Building in Likas, there will be the long list of people to invite. These may include family members, friends and acquaintances. Then there are the numerous "wedding packages" to consider. Some are very comprehensive - they include special photo sessions by so-called expert photographers and videographers, the outfits (or shall I say costumes?) for the bride and groom, and even slimming programmes and cosmetic products to lose weight so that the couple will look good for the wedding day. 

These "wedding packages" don't come cheap - they cost a bomb. Most young couples are just starting to build their lives and careers, and quite often have little or no savings. Yet most of them would opt for an expensive "wedding package" and a grand wedding reception, even if they have to borrow money to cover the costs.

The thing is that the wedding day is a very special day, and people are inclined to celebrate it in a big way. They'd do it even if they have to bear the cost for the next few years. I told my nephew that there's little point seeking advice from friends, because in the end, he will most likely opt for a grand wedding anyway. In fact, it's almost expected of him! In Malaysia, some things are almost implied as a way of life, and when one does not follow that way of life, he is bound to be seen as extraordinary or weird! Things like it is almost implied that one should have new clothes for Hari Raya, or new furniture for the living room to mark the occasion. It is an inclination that is not so easy to fight for many people.

I got married in 1992 when I had very little savings. It was a church wedding because my mother-in-law was a religious woman. Otherwise, I would have forgone the church session too. I couldn't afford a grand reception at a hotel, and I did not fancy the idea of borrowing money for it. Instead, I had an outdoor party at my uncle's house. We rented tents which were set up at the front compound. Then we spent a little to cater simple food from a local restaurant. It was a cheapskate setting for a wedding; but after all, I was cheap back then; I'm not ashamed to admit it!

Don't get me wrong though, I have nothing against a grand wedding reception. It seems that many people would advise by saying something like, "Just opt for whatever makes you happy." But the trouble is that most people would love to have a big wedding, because of course it's a very special day. So it's the big wedding that will make them happy. It's very hard to resist the temptation to spend, spend, spend the money that they don't have.

My advice to all the young lovebirds out there whom are planning their weddings right now, is to give priority to affordability. If you can afford a grand wedding reception and the most expensive "wedding package" in town, then by all means do it. But if all you can afford is a small gathering of family members at home, and a cake from the shelf of an unknown bakery, then I suppose those will have to do. There is really no necessity to hold the party at a posh hotel, and a cake that is 7 story high. In fact, I would even venture one step further - it's probably a good idea to opt for something cheap and simple even if you could afford that grand wedding, because you can use the money for something more worthwhile after the wedding. A wedding is a wedding, whether or not the party is grand.

One final advice, and I have mentioned this before in an old post here, whatever you do, for heaven's sake, please make the marriage last a lifetime.