Harmless Lie

A friend of mine received a call from the Inland Revenue Board recently, informing her that she's owing the Board about RM16,000 of tax. They gave her instructions to call So-and-So in a police station and said that their conversation would be recorded. That conversation went back and forth for almost two hours, and to make the long story short, her friends who overheard the conversation eventually told her that those were scammers trying to cheat her money. It was a lucky escape, and she came to me to tell the story, but added that she's not going to tell her husband about it, because she's afraid that her husband would scold her for being careless.

I've also known of another woman who had a bit of trouble controlling herself from spending money. Knowing that her husband did not approve her spending habit, she would lie to her husband whenever she bought expensive stuff, such as an expensive handbag or dress. She would tell her husband something like those were presents from a close friend who bought the items at a clearance sale at rock bottom prices. 

"A woman who doesn't lie is a woman without imagination and without sympathy."

Dr Giles Reilly, in Agatha Christie's book, Murder in Mesopotamia.

Although I'm quoting the words of a fictional character above, there is a lot of truth in what he said; that the majority of women are natural liars. However, let me hasten to say that the vast majority of those liars did it without ill intentions. They see a lie as a harmless thing. The most common excuse is that they want to avoid quarrels or arguments. They reckon that if their husbands don't know the truth of the matter, there is nothing to argue about. In a way, that is a valid point.

I used to have a girlfriend who went steady with me for about 3 years, and she, too, had the habit of lying to me. While it's true that most of her lies were harmless, I did not like it at all, because on several occasions I found out about some of her lies. I consider myself a loyal and honest person, and I'm fully aware that sometimes the truth hurts. But I would not lie in the hope of preventing the pain. I'd like to be unconditionally truthful to my girl, but I'd expect the same truthfulness from her in return. 

Maybe if I did not know at all that she has lied to me, that's not too bad. But when in due course I found out from somebody else that he saw her holding hands with another man in a place that is different from where she told me she'd be, it'd make me wonder how many times has she lied to me before? I can't imagine spending my life with a woman, wondering if she's lying whenever she tells me something. Even if there are explanations for the lies, as far as I'm concerned, lies are lies, no matter how you look at it, they are harmful anyway. When a woman tells me something, I want to have the confidence to say that I believe what she said. I did not have the confidence with my girl then. She was a good girl in many other aspects, but she could never change the lying habit. So what do you think I should do?

There are many single women out there whom are liars through no fault of theirs. It's just something in their DNA. But if you could keep an open mind for just a bit, let this old man give you a piece of advice. If you expect your man to be truthful to you, then you must be truthful to him too. Would you believe it, men appreciate honesty and truthfulness as much as you do.

Fashion Designer & Honesty

My daughter, Jamie Jasmine, has recently embarked on her 3-year degree course in Information Technology (IT). She was supposed to be studying in a university in Kuching, Sarawak, but due to the Covid-19 pandemic, is forced to do it by means of online lessons from home instead. Hopefully, the pandemic will be brought under control by the end of this year, so that she's able to do the remaining 2 years of her course in Melbourne. I have the impression that many people are not very keen in the IT degree. It seems like most parents would love their kids to be doctors, lawyers, engineers, architects etc, not so much the computer thingy.

As a parent, I'm not so fussy about the type of profession JJ opts for as a career. I told her that whatever she decides to do, just try her best to be good at it, at least above the average level of those in her industry. Whatever works for her is fine with me. As long as she's happy with what she's doing, then I'll be happy for her too. She's a late bloomer; when she was younger, she seemed to have no artistic talent whatsoever. I observed her playing with crayons when she was young. She could hardly prevent from colouring beyond the boundaries. But as she grew up, she learned to be patient, and with sufficient practice she was able to gradually bring out her artistic self.

But this post is not really about JJ and her studies. What I really want to talk about is fashion designer, because for a short while I was entertaining the idea of fashion designer for JJ. But thankfully I was able to shake myself out of it very quickly. I'm sure I need to discover a lot of good things about fashion designer; and if I knew more about it, perhaps I can learn to appreciate the profession, though I seriously doubt it!

At the risk of getting bombarded with criticisms from some of my readers, I'm putting my neck on the chopping board to give my take on the profession as a fashion designer. This is of course from the perspective of an ignorant person. If I knew more about the profession, I might have a different opinion, I don't know.

Before I proceed any further, let me just say that I'm not really into fashion. Whatever I wear is usually very simple and down the earth. At one time I wore only several colours such as blue, grey, white and black. But thanks to the influence of my wife, I have since learned to wear other colours too. Sometimes, I also wear outfits made of a combination of several colours. However, I still consider myself as a very simple-minded person as far as fashion is concerned.

I've always seen fashion designers as peculiar creatures. In order to become very successful in that profession, one must meet two very basic requirements. First and foremost is of course being artistic and creative, simply because there is almost no limit as to how one can design clothes. I can just imagine that almost whatever one can think of, someone else had most likely thought of it too. So it's not surprising that sometimes fashion becomes the in thing, then fades out after some years, and then comes back to become the in thing again. The cycle repeats itself over and over again with some minor adjustments here and there.

The second requirement - which seems to me the most important requirement - is honesty. Or rather the lack of it. Any fashion designer who'd like to become very successful in the profession must learn to be dishonest. He is inclined to design something that is obviously ridiculous and plain awful, and then convince himself that it's very nice and beautiful. And if that's not bad enough, he tries very hard to convince others to think the same way too. And don't make me start on whether it's practical to wear it!

But of course it takes all sorts to make the world. So there's bound to be some fools out there who'd spend a ton of money on these so-called fashionable clothes, and then have the courage to wear them! 

In the end though, it all boils down to the same with how I feel about JJ. I suppose as long as these people are happy designing and creating such ugly, impractical clothes, and happy wearing them, then I should be happy for them too.

The Inevitable Aging Process

I've been asked on many occasions before, what does it take to fall in love with running? Well, some people fall in love with running when they achieve a new frontier, or they're pursuing one. This may be in the form of being able to run longer distances, or run faster, or perhaps running has helped them to lose weight. Whatever the new frontiers are, there's a kind of surprise and excitement when achieving them. Some people are also into running because of their friends. They run in groups and it's the fellowship that they enjoy more than the running.

However, there's always a limit to those new frontiers. People may improve their distances from 5km to 10km to half marathon and full marathon and so on. But sooner or later, they will find that they will need to sacrifice so much more time and efforts to be able to run longer or faster. The thrill and excitement may eventually fade away. In some cases, the incidences of injuries may also increase. In such a case, some people will keep running just to maintain their fitness. Others will gradually reduce the amount of running, and others still may eventually stop doing it altogether.

I'm convinced that the vast majority of people you see running in the parks don't necessarily love running. They're doing it either because they have to, or because they feel obliged to do it. For example, they were advised by their doctors to do it to beat early signs of dreaded diseases. Yes, running can be quite a chore to some people!

But some people run because they truly enjoy doing it. Whether or not they have symptoms of dreaded diseases, whether overweight or not, run solo or with friends, rain or shine, they will run, as long as the body is fit enough to do it. It comes from within. For if it's not real love for running, sooner or later, it will become increasingly a chore to drag themselves out of bed in the wee hours of the morning to go running. It's much more pleasant to spend the extra few hours in bed.

I have always been active in sports since I was young. It's not just running. I used to be active in badminton when I was younger. My knees couldn't endure the sport when I was about 30, and I had to switch to doing weights in the gym for some years. Running came much later when I was in my forties. My reason has always been the same. I've always been grateful that I have a reasonably healthy body. Not necessarily above average, let alone podium material. But I want to make full use of what I have. That's why I run, I bike, I swim, even though I'm not very good at any of them. Some people are born without limbs and have to live in a wheelchair. I'm imagining that perhaps they long to run.

One of these days, the time will come when I can no longer run. Maybe it will be a challenge to even get out of bed in the morning. My legs would be too weak. I wouldn't even rule out the possibility that I'd be spending my days in a wheelchair too, and in diapers. When and if that day arrives, I won't have any regrets, for I have made full use of whatever I had, and for however long that I could.

I had a glimpse of what's coming my way at about 4:30am this morning. I had intended to run 27km starting at 5am. But I felt so tired and sleepy even though I had had my 7 hours sleep. I spent the next half an hour or so in bed debating with myself whether I should run anyway. It wasn't helping that I could hear the sounds of the raindrops on the roof. In the end, I decided that I'd run. I got out of bed, freshened up and eventually found myself at Taman Awam Teluk Likas. I finally started running at almost 6am. The first few steps were just awful. But it got a little better after a few kilometres. I was still debating with myself during my run, and decided to reduce the distance to 21km. When I had finished my run, I felt so glad that I'd decided to do it.

I'm beginning to wonder what lies in the weeks and months ahead. Based on how I feel right now, I can't help thinking that this may be my turning point; I can only decline from this point forward. But I take it as it comes. For as long as I can still do it, I will keep it up.

Grand Reception

My nephew is in his twenties and has been going steady with a girl for a couple of years now. The time has come for him to take that next big leap. He shared a link on his facebook page about a couple that had a wedding at a cost of under RM2,000, and then invited comments from his friends. Well, this uncle couldn't help from commenting. Unfortunately, I'm not known to have the finesse whenever I comment. In fact, I'm frequently accused of being rude and brutal. Sadly, the truth may be painful sometimes.

Planning for a wedding is no small feat for most people. Apart from the "necessity" for a grand wedding reception at a posh hotel or huge banquet hall like the Hakka Association Building in Likas, there will be the long list of people to invite. These may include family members, friends and acquaintances. Then there are the numerous "wedding packages" to consider. Some are very comprehensive - they include special photo sessions by so-called expert photographers and videographers, the outfits (or shall I say costumes?) for the bride and groom, and even slimming programmes and cosmetic products to lose weight so that the couple will look good for the wedding day. 

These "wedding packages" don't come cheap - they cost a bomb. Most young couples are just starting to build their lives and careers, and quite often have little or no savings. Yet most of them would opt for an expensive "wedding package" and a grand wedding reception, even if they have to borrow money to cover the costs.

The thing is that the wedding day is a very special day, and people are inclined to celebrate it in a big way. They'd do it even if they have to bear the cost for the next few years. I told my nephew that there's little point seeking advice from friends, because in the end, he will most likely opt for a grand wedding anyway. In fact, it's almost expected of him! In Malaysia, some things are almost implied as a way of life, and when one does not follow that way of life, he is bound to be seen as extraordinary or weird! Things like it is almost implied that one should have new clothes for Hari Raya, or new furniture for the living room to mark the occasion. It is an inclination that is not so easy to fight for many people.

I got married in 1992 when I had very little savings. It was a church wedding because my mother-in-law was a religious woman. Otherwise, I would have forgone the church session too. I couldn't afford a grand reception at a hotel, and I did not fancy the idea of borrowing money for it. Instead, I had an outdoor party at my uncle's house. We rented tents which were set up at the front compound. Then we spent a little to cater simple food from a local restaurant. It was a cheapskate setting for a wedding; but after all, I was cheap back then; I'm not ashamed to admit it!

Don't get me wrong though, I have nothing against a grand wedding reception. It seems that many people would advise by saying something like, "Just opt for whatever makes you happy." But the trouble is that most people would love to have a big wedding, because of course it's a very special day. So it's the big wedding that will make them happy. It's very hard to resist the temptation to spend, spend, spend the money that they don't have.

My advice to all the young lovebirds out there whom are planning their weddings right now, is to give priority to affordability. If you can afford a grand wedding reception and the most expensive "wedding package" in town, then by all means do it. But if all you can afford is a small gathering of family members at home, and a cake from the shelf of an unknown bakery, then I suppose those will have to do. There is really no necessity to hold the party at a posh hotel, and a cake that is 7 story high. In fact, I would even venture one step further - it's probably a good idea to opt for something cheap and simple even if you could afford that grand wedding, because you can use the money for something more worthwhile after the wedding. A wedding is a wedding, whether or not the party is grand.

One final advice, and I have mentioned this before in an old post here, whatever you do, for heaven's sake, please make the marriage last a lifetime.

Profit for a Cake-Making Business

A long time ago, I was a maths teacher in a private secondary school in KK. Generally speaking, I'd say roughly about 60% of the human race is weak in maths. Of the remaining 40%, about 20% are of average ability, and just 20% (maybe even less than that) who're really good in the subject. Maths, to me, is a subject of "obeying rules". Those who'd excel in maths have the habit of checking the truth of the matter, and not just jump to conclusion. That is also the same reason why so many people are gullible and would fall prey to pranks and hoaxes spread through social media, simply because very few of them would check to verify whatever is it that's being spread.

I've had some major achievements as a maths teacher as I was able to help seemingly "stupid" students to pass the subject. Teaching is an art, and in order to teach well, the teacher must be able to bring himself down to the level of the student, and see the subject from the latter's point of view. But apart from seeing from the student's viewpoint, I also used plenty of examples from day-to-day calculations. Instead of using algebras and complex formulas, I'd use simple ordinary calculations. Somehow most people dread algebras and maths formulas. At the mere mention of them, their mind would shut down! But of course sometimes even simple ordinary calculations may not work too. I guess some people are just not mathematically-inclined!

Today, I have a somewhat complex calculation for a property valuation work, and having explained several times to my staff, she was still confused. In the end, I went back to my approach from all those years ago when I was a teacher. What I came up with was a cake-making business. It's like this:

The total cost for baking a cake is RM70. When the cake is done, you can sell it for RM100. Now the question is simple: How much profit in terms of percentage would you make from the business?

It's not a trick question. It's just a plain ordinary calculation that requires elementary mathematical ability. But you probably already know that she failed to answer the question. So what I did was to ask 2 other staff the same question, and they, too, failed to get the correct answer. Just out of curiosity, I asked my daughter the same question through WhatsApp, and to my great relief, she answered it correctly.

Now I'm posting the question here to see if my readers would like to give it a go? Like I said, this is not a trick question; I'm not here to trap the careless people like I sometimes do. If you're shy to respond here, you can also email your answer to me at: ckoh1965@yahoo.com.

The Writer

I haven't been posting anything here for ages now, and many of my readers have long abandoned this blog. However, some have remained loyal and still checking from time to time if they'd find new posts, only to be disappointed to find a dormant blog. They have been asking me why. Well, there are several reasons, apart from losing interest. I'm still quite active in facebook though, of which I post something new almost daily. Nevertheless, facebook posts are not the same as what I would usually post here in this blog.

I've never taken up writing lessons, and I'm not even sure if I'm worthy of the title "Writer". Most writers have very specific styles when they write; and perhaps some of them prefer specific subjects too. Unfortunately, I have neither. I write about many, many subjects, and I almost always have an opinion about everything! The way I write them is also quite different from one another, so much so that an average reader may even suspect that these articles were written by many different people! In some some articles, I would be very serious and business-like in the way I write. In some others, I'd give reign to my natural inclinations, which include amongst others, a good mix of sarcasms and dry sense of humour.

The truth is that the real me is exactly like what's reflected in this blog; I'm for the most part unable to control my sense of humour, although I can also hold a serious conversation which is thought-provoking and requires maturity. However, I've been told on several occasions that some people dislike my kind of humour. In fact they find it offensive!

For example, in due course, when I share what goes on in my head during my long weekend runs to distract my mind from the exhaustion, I'd mention something like the scary thought of my mom's underwear which is as huge as a parachute. Some people would find that offensive.

It's almost impossible to please every reader. Many of my last few posts have been without my trademark sense of humour, and in the end I kinda lost the sense of excitement when I wrote them. 

I'd like to go back to where I was years ago when I started this blog; be myself, be my funny self or be my serious self whenever I feel like it, even though some of you don't find it funny at all! In the coming weeks and months, I will try to become an active blogger again.