I was chatting with a friend about the Sabahan girl in the famous video of her studying on a tree top in her village in the northern part of Sabah. Apparently, the internet connectivity in her village was very poor, and she had to resort to climbing a tall tree to get a stronger signal. She said she was having her exams for Universiti Malaysia Sabah (UMS).
I was commenting to my friend, that a Deputy Minister, while responding to a question in Dewan Rakyat, claimed that the girl wasn't speaking the truth; that she was actually not having any exams at the time of the video; that she was in fact seeking fame by posting that video. The Deputy Minister's statement was later found to have been wrong, and he had to quickly apologize for his mistake.
I asked my friend, "If it is found that the girl was indeed lying about her story in the video, should she apologize?"
My friend's response was quite a surprise to me. He said it's not important if the girl was lying. Whether or not she apologizes, that's up to her; it's a small matter.
Seriously? Is that the view of the majority? Well, in that case, I range myself on the side of the minority. I don't take lightly if kids are in the habit of lying. If I find that my daughter is lying, I would certainly reprimand her. I may want to find out why she's lying, of course, but ultimately I would want to prevent it from becoming a habit.
"If it is found that the girl has lied in her video, should she apologize for lying?"
Examples of simple possible answers might look something like this:
"If she has lied, then yes, she should apologize."
"Even if she lied, there is no need to apologize, because that lie is harmless."
Well, I received several replies in the comment section of my post, and as I had expected, almost all of them did not answer my question! These responses ranged from telling me that her brother has already responded to the politician's statements in her defense; that the girl is under a lot of stress because she's being bullied by politicians; that whether she's lying or not is not the central issue; that there's poor internet connectivity in her village; that she's preparing for her exams (if she doesn't have connectivity, how is she going to prepare for her exams?). Those are all interesting points and merit separate discussions, but they did not answer my question! The question, once again:
"If it is found that the girl has lied in her video, should she apologize for lying?"
As I said, these responses did not answer my question. But they all have one thing in common; they're all the kind of responses that are defensive in nature. There is a psychological significance here. The point is that when these people are reading my post, even long before arriving at the question in the end, they have made up their minds to defend the poor girl, and were already on the defensive mode. Their mind was overwhelmed by the passion of defending the girl, no matter what. It followed that whatever replies they give would be in the nature of defending the girl by explaining her plight; or about the poor internet connectivity of the village; or about incompetent politicians; but not answering whether if someone has lied, he or she should apologize for lying.
There is the tendency, especially among women, to have different standards and expectations when it comes to their loved ones. I have noticed, for example, that some parents would gossip and comment negatively about the children of so-and-so misbehaving, and their parents should have taught them some manners! Yet they're blind to the fact that their own children are also misbehaving! They will always try to explain and justify why their own children are misbehaving. That is why I make it clear to my wife that I'm not keen to discuss about other kids. I would rather discuss about my own daughter.
So for one final time, answer this simple question if you can. Forget about the girl in the video; never mind the story about the tree and the internet connectivity or incompetent politicians. Just answer this:
If a kid tells lies, should he or she apologize for lying?
2 comments:
Yes, she should apologize if it is indeed a lie.
Thank you for your answer. Most people can't give a direct simple answer to a straightforward question, because they're too occupied with defending and protecting the girl!
I was once a teacher for a few years. I've noticed that a fair number of students did badly in their exams not because they did not know the subject well, but because they did not answer the question! Answering the question is in itself a skill to be learnt!
Post a Comment