Let Nature Take Its Course?

It is quite unfortunate that I took a long time to get myself prepared for parenthood. When I was younger, I spent some years building up my career—I had to work days and study nights. That went on for some years. Mia went through the same thing too.

By the time we were done with the university degrees, we were already in our thirties. Finally we decided it's time to have kids. Little did we know that it's extremely difficult to conceive after mid-thirties. Thankfully, however, after several visits to the specialist, and having been put to a number of embarrassing tests, we were finally blessed with a child.

In the course of the 9 months while we were waiting for the arrival of Jamie Jasmine, I went through quite a bit of scary moments, thinking of the worst that could happen. This problem and that problem; whether I'm gonna be good enough to be a daddy; would I become sick of all the cryings and tantrums, the doctor visits etc. But when JJ was born, parenthood was so natural—I enjoyed every moment of it. We took turns to bathe JJ in that tiny plastic tub of hers. Waking up in the wee hours of the morning for the milk. It wasn't a nightmare after all. Before long, we were already hoping to have another child. But it was not meant to be...

We're both fast approaching our mid forties now; JJ will be 7 years old this July. Yet there is no sign of another child. I suppose JJ is the only precious one in our lives. I love to see her grow; how happy I'd become whenever she learns something new.

And then recently an interesting topic came up during one of our casual conversations. What if Mia can conceive again, but we are able to detect a child with down syndrome? I am aware that many couples would abort; but some wouldn't take that step no matter what.

I am not a religious person. Whatever I do, I always look at the practical side of things. If I have to abort a child, then that is exactly what I will do. But it is the hardest kind of thing to do no matter what.

No—Mia is not pregnant. And as the days pass, the possibility of that happening becomes increasingly remote. But it is still a possibility and if she becomes pregnant with a healthy child, I would gladly let nature take its course. If, however, we are able to know early that the child has something like down syndrome, I might seriously consider abortion. It is such an ugly word and very few people would dare to admit it. But as I said earlier, I am a practical person!

I know both Mia and I will love our child the same way whether or not he or she has down syndrome. I know we will protect him or her—perhaps even more. I know we are willing to sacrifice for the well-being of the child—there is just absolutely no question about all those!

But I also know that we can't live forever. No matter how diligently we take care of our health, one of these days, we will surely die—everyone will! When we are no longer around, who is going to love our child? Who is going to protect him? Who is willing to sacrifice for him? I can't bear the thought that he will become a burden to others...

Chances are, he won't be able to learn things the same way as others; no matter what it will never be the same. In whatever he wants to do, he will start way behind when compared to other kids. When other healthy boys are changing girlfriends like changing shirts, he will be extremely lucky if he can get just one girl. And of course I am not even talking about a spouse. I can't bear the thought of bringing a child into this cruel world for him to suffer from day one of his life. I would rather not let it happen!

When I die and get a severe punishment on judgement day, I just hope it will be quick. I am prepared to face the music. Otherwise my soul will suffer and won't rest in peace anyway, knowing that my child is going through his life miserably every single day until he dies.